Sparlock – the controversy

Apparently not everyone is happy with the existence of Sparlock the Warrior Wizard. Amazingly, one American-based religious group, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, has declared outright religious war on Sparlock, even going so far as to declare that Sparlock is an enemy of God.

As to why a small plastic toy is an all-powerful threat to the Jehovah’s Witness church and their publishing / real-estate corporation, the Watch Tower Society, is anyone’s guess.

According to Anthony Morris III, member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses, Sparlock the Warrior Wizard is, “a threat to the existence of all mankind. This wizard is evil I tell you. Evil. If the children don’t obey the governing body of Jehovah’s Witnesses by destroying all Sparlock toys, then the God of love, through the faithful and discreet slave class, will swing the sword and smite the entrails from all these little kiddies. Evil, Evil. Evil. Obey us or die.”

Anthony Morris III explaining the hidden dangers of owning harmless plastic toys.

The gold bling wearing Morris is now touring the USA giving sermons about the hidden dangers of possessing a possessed ‘Satanic action figure’, which ironically, was commissioned by himself and the six other ecclesiastical ruling members the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Sparlock the Warrior Wizard verses Xenu and the Galactic Confederacy


Spokesperson for the Church of Scientology, Mr Tom Cruise, has assured the public that Sparlock the Warrior Wizard is “no perceived threat to our teachings on Xenu, nor to the Galactic Confederacy, who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in a DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs.”

Cruise went on to add, “we do find it quite amusing that a religion, like the Jehovah’s Witnesses, would actually use a fictitious character like Sparlock the Warrior Wizard to indoctrinate members and make money off them. This sort of extreme religious activity should be left to the experts.”

Sparlock the Warrior Wizard and the Watch Tower Worriers

Lawyers for the Watch Tower Society were unavailable for comment, but were last seen circling like ravenous wolves preparing to battle with lawyers from Lego over possible copyright infringements. 

Lego Sparlock


One comment on “Controversy

  1. What sort of a [rude word] name is ‘Caleb’ anyway, and why does the whingey little [rude word] have such a big [rude word] head? Plus I bet Caleb’s mum does [rude word], you can just tell…

    [Edited by SPARLOCK]

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